No I simply look at it from my viewpoint. I made the choice to defend my countries, anyone rolling across my borders would have to deal with everything I have in country whether or not I could set up additional units.
Not only do I KNOW what my military is costing me, I can adequately provide for the manpower to have both guns AND butter. Anyplace I am short of Ammunition, fuel or whatever is immediately obvious.
Sure it costs my empire to do it, I don't make as much money, but I do make money even during a war and suffer no manpower shortages.
Why should I have sympathy for someone that neglected to protect what they built?
It's very obvious to anyone willing to see, one person was ready for war, one wasn't. I fail to see how the outcome would be any different.
You always want to attack an enemy when they are not ready, so if you don't want to lose be ready at all times.