| Friday, February 5, 2010 - 08:43 am |
WE INTERRUPT THIS FORUM FOR A PRESIDENTIAL NEWS CONFERENCE
KARL ROVE: Please rise for President Neidy.
PRESIDENT NEIDY: I have an important announcement and will then take questions. As you already know, during the recent cultural exchange soccer match betwwen the "lakeview Listeriners" of our empire and the "Hells Angels Pasty Mouths" of the Empire of KissofDeath, one of the goals scored bY the "Listeriners" accidentally decapitated the head of their goalie. We profusely apologized for this incident and even agreed that the fact that the goalie's decapitated head landed in the net along with the soccer ball should not have resulted in an additional point for the "Listeriners". The final score should have been "Listeriners" 68 and "Pasty Mouths 0. Not 69 to 0. Nevertheless, President KissofDeath and her evil twin Dr. Death have declared war on our defenseless empire nation of "The Solomons" using their countries of "Abubanat" and "Eastern Laga". Our federation friends are rushing to the rescue of this poor nation and I have ordered forces from our empire nation "Valparaiso" to assist with what little aid they render. I will now take questions.
REPORTER: Thank you Madam president. I'm Barry Safer of the "Bavaria Intellectual". Isn't it true that the soccer ball used in the game had manufacturing defects?
PRESIDENT NEIDY: Yes, this is true. We have ordered the "Kissi Sports Equipment Corp" shut down to review their quality control process.
Uh.. excuse me.. (Karl Rove hands President Neidy a note) I can announce that the nations of "Squished" and "Squashed" have been roundly defeated.
REPORTER: I'm confused. I thought you said we were at war with "Abubanat" and "Eastern Laga".
PRESIDENT NEIDY: I just renamed them "Squished" and "Squashed".
REPORTER: Hello madam President. George Kimball of the "Empire Sports Reporter". Isn't there a cultual exchange baseball game going on between the national empire teams of KissofDeath and our empire right now?
KARL ROVE: Excuse me. I can answer that. In fact the game started a little while ago. I'm going to put it on loudspeaker so we can hear it.
BACKGORUND NOISE OF CROWDS CHEERING...
BASEBALL ANNOUNCER BARRY CARAY: We're in the bottom of the first inning. If you're just joining us, The "Teeth Whiteners" of the "Empire of Neidy" batted through the line up 3 times in the top of the first and scored 26 runs against the "Plaquers" of the "Empire of KissofDeath". The inning was interrupted by two bench clearing brawls. We are now in the bottom of the first inning. Pitcher Loco Lopez of the "Teeth Whiteners" has hit four batters in a row which resulted in in a run for the "Plaquers". Lopez has been given a warning by the home plate umpire.
ANNOUNCER HACK HARRELSON: Obviously Lopez is a little wild due to the extended period of time between warm ups. I think that warning was unfair.
BARRY CARAY: Wexworth is hitting for the "Plaquers". I wonder during which bench clearing brawl he got that welt under his eye?
HACK HARRELSON:According to my scorecard he got his teeth knocked out in the first brawl and the busted eye in the second brawl.
BARRY CARAY: Wexworth is standing unusually far back in the batter's box... Lopez looks for the sign from his catcher Jack Hitzem.. Here's the wind up and the pitch! OH!!!! LOPEZ HITS HIM WITH THE PITCH!! Another run for the "Plaquers" comes home. I don't think Wexworth will be making any babies soon...
HACK HARRELSON: The umpire has thrown out Lopez.
BARRY CARAY: The benches are clearing again! The "Teeth Whiteners" have their sleeves rolled up and are charging hard!!
HACK HARRELSON: A few of the "Plaquers" are limping out of the dugout led by their bat boy and ball girl. The rest of the "Plaquers" are cowering behind the dugout steps...
PRESIDENT NEIDY: Wow! That sounds like an exciting game. I'll take one more question and then we can all watch the game in the situation room.
REPORTER; Hi. Jill Samson of "The West Solomons Messenger". Our football team, the "Flossers" was disqualified from playing against the KissofDeath football team, the "Abcessors" because of violations of field equipment. Do you know anything about that?
PRESIDENT NEIDY: Oh that? Yes. Some ridiculous ruling against us by the FBFL saying our players aren't allowed to bring brass knuckles on the field. The word brass knuckles doesn't even appear in the rule book... LET'S GO WATCH THE GAME!....
| Monday, February 8, 2010 - 06:04 am |
| Tuesday, March 2, 2010 - 07:47 pm |
| Monday, March 8, 2010 - 03:38 pm |
| Monday, November 29, 2010 - 01:42 am |