| Thursday, July 23, 2009 - 12:04 pm |
Did some schoolyard bully call you a nerd today? Thinking of invading that peaceful little country next door to show 'em who's boss, but all you have are 15000 executives (from that little mistake with the Education Priorities screen last week) and some tanks you bought cause you heard they were 350 quality? Well, here's how we at Executive Commando Training can help YOU!
Send your extra Executives to the Democratic Republic of Servility for our new Irregular Warfare Course (offered through Servile Vacations as an optional add-on to our popular Beach Lounging Special!) Your Executives will learn how, for the low low expense of printing scads of Employment Contracts and renting a single flight in a Covert Insertion Drone, just one of them, equipped only with a couple of duffel bags (for the contracts), a parachute, and a big "I'm Recruiting for Indolent High-Tech Services, where our salary goal is 1700!" lapel button (your Executives will customize their own buttons in our Pottery, Basket Weaving, and Invasion Supplies Craft Seminars), they can sneak in and HIRE THE ENTIRE LOW LEVEL WORKER force of your intended victim before they can mobilize!
- Imagine the terror of all those Midlevel Supervisors when they put on their spiffy new officers' uniforms and look around for someone to take the Minutes of the Morning Formation, and find not only no Company Clerk, but no Morning Formation!
- Imagine how easily those "officers" will succumb to the siren song of the Executive Commando with his Employment Contracts specifying deep in the fine print (you know you can count on Midlevel Supervisors to read the fine print) that their wartime duties will consist of "promiscuous breeding in secured areas" rather than getting their hands dirty on those nasty old weapons!
- Imagine the blood of your hapless victims flowing in the gutters after you run them over with your tanks ('cause really, who can afford to buy tank ammunition?) while their potential army personnel are sitting about waiting for those big salaries to kick in (or fornicating wildly in the production of those people you're going to sell at 4GC/million)!
If your country is really poor, you can use our mimeograph equipment to make the contracts, and your Executives can learn Overt Insertion techniques, such as the use of an automobile for Infiltration into that C3 country that offends you with its innocuousness, since those countries don't even CARE if you set up a company in their country!
Yes, the Irregular Warfare Course is a must for anyone looking to Shorten the Odds of Kicking the Butts of those So-and-sos who Don't Know You're Coming, and comes with a Guaranteed Suntan! Send the wives along for our Pole Dancing Aerobics workshops! But by all means, schedule your next Vacation through Servile Vacations, where we're always looking for snooty foreigners to bow and scrape for!
If you have received this message in error, please pass it along to the l33t hax0rz it was intended for. And join our "Do Not Call" list by giving us the name of a Federation which welcomes blowhards and has the advantage of not being your own!
(signed) Flight Lieutenant Samuel Kanyon Doe
Dictator-for-Life-and-Beyond, Democratic Republic of Servility
(that's "DR of Servility" in the white pages)
| Wednesday, August 26, 2009 - 08:05 pm |
This is hilarious I'm afraid I'm not in the market for executive commandos at the moment, but I hope this unique educational opportunity prospers!