World History 101 (Kebir Blue)

Time for a little light humour, and a few unique takes on history. Yes, this is a joke thread. No serious business allowed!

What if...?

What if world war two had been a playground fight?(Part 1)

Britain: Hey France, s'up?
France: Oh, you know... Just hangin' around. Say, did you hear about that fight between Germany and Czech?
Britain: Yeah. I got Czech to give up half her marbles to Germany.
France: What?! Are you crazy! You know Germany can't have any marbles! Teacher said so at Versailles!
Britain: Well it worked, didn't it? You don't see them fighting.
France: Dude, totally not the point. Remember what happened last time Germany wanted all the marbles?
Britain: Oh, yeah. Like I'd forget that. Look, it's just the easy way, OK? I don't want another fight.
France: If you say so. But I don't trust Germany.
Britain: It'll be fine. Germany and Austria are playing nicely together, and we can always get Czech some more marlbes.
France: Sure...
*Russia runs over*
Russia: Guys! Guys! Germany just beat up Czech!
Britain: What?! You're kidding me!
France: Told you so...
Britain: *sigh* Is Czech OK?
Russia: I dunno. Teacher sent her home with a bloody nose.
Britain: I need to talk to Germany. You just don't hit a lady. Where is he now?
France: Last I heard, he was talking to Italy.
Britain: Urgh. Bloody Italians.
France: It's OK for you. I have to live next door to them.
Russia: ...Anyway, I gotta go. Couple of things to sort out...
*Russia skips away*
France: Bet I know where he's going.
Britain: Whatchya mean?
France: You know what Russia's like. He'll go talk to Germany to make sure he doesn't steal his lunch money again.
Britain: *scoffs* Yeah.
*Poland wanders over, looking a little subdued*
France: Dude, what's wrong with you?
Britain: Yeah. You look like somebody stole your gameboy.
*Britain and France laugh*
Poland: Yeah, it's alright for you two. I just saw Germany and Russia talking.
France: I knew it.
Britain: Hey, no sweat dude. It's cool.
Poland: No it's not! Whenever those two get together, they always beat me up!
*France scoffs*
*Britain punches France in the arm*
Britain: Look, don't worry. They try anything, France and me'll come help, right France?
France: Oh, sure... Yeah. Right. Not a problem.
*Poland looks a little happier*
Poland: Thanks guys, you're the greatest!
*Poland walks away smiling*
*Britain scowels at France*
Britain: What was all that about?
France: Pfft. Poland's so wimpy. He should stand up for himself.
Britain: *tut* Numbnuts
France: What was that?
Britain: Nothing, nothing. So, fancy a game of footy?
France: Nah, can't be bothered...
*Australia shouts from over the other side of the playground*
Australia: Hey, guys! C'mere!
*France looks at Britain*
France: Dude, is it me, or is Australia totally hot?
Britain: Ewww, dude... She's my cousin!
France: All the more for me, then.
*Britain rolls eyes*
Britain: Let's just go see what she wants...
*Britain and France walk over*
Australia: Guys, Canada and me were talking... We think Germany's going to beat up Poland.
Britain: Canada and you actually heard this?
Australia: Well, Canada did. He told me he heard Germany and Russia talking. I thought you'd like to know.
France: Well this is just great *folds arms* So what do we do now?
Britain: Nothing we can do. We just have to wait and see what happens.
Australia: You guys are going to defend Poland, right?
Britain: Yeah.
Australia: Cool, cool. If you guys are in, Me, NZ and Canada want in too. We're fed up of bullies.
France: What about America?
Britain: Pfft. You know what she's like. Always late to a fight. Doesn't share her marbles either, unless you pay for them.
France: Heh. You're just upset because she dumped you.
Britain: Am not!
France: Are too!
Britain: Am not!
Australia: GUYS! Calm down! We've got other things to worry about, remember? Stop living in the past.
*A cry of pain comes from the distance.*
Britain: What was that?
*France squints*
France: Looks like Germany's got Poland over in the corner.
Australia: Come on, let's go sort it out.
*They march on over, getting NZ and Canada along the way.*
Britain: Germany, dude! Totally not cool! Put Poland down!
*Germany has Poland by the scruff of the neck. Italy's stood to one side next to Russia.*
Germany: Back off, Britain. My fight's not with you.
Britain: Dude, if you're going to beat up my friends, you'll have to fight me!
*France steps up to Germany*
France: Let him go, Germany.
*Germany turns around and punches France in the face.*
France: Ow! My nose!
*Germany drops Poland, shaking his fist at Britain and his friends.*
Germany: You'll all get the same if you don't go away!
Italy: Yeah!
*Britain grumbles*
Britain: Come on guys, let's go. We'll be back, Germany! Don't you worry!
*Germany and Italy laugh. Britain and the others go back across the playground*
Britain: Dude, you alright?
France: Nah, man. I think my nose's broken. I better sit this one out.
Britain: Aww, man. You gotta be kidding me.
France: No way, dude. You guys are on your own this time.
*France heads back into school*
*Britain looks back over his shoulder at the mocking Germany and Italy.*
Australia: So what now?
Britain: We're so boned. You know what Germany's going to do now, don't you?
Australia: What?
Britain: Get Italy to come through the sand pit. Betchya. Come at us from both sides.
Australia: Not good.
Britain: No way. Listen, you better go talk to NZ and Canada. See what you guys can do.
Australia: What about you?
Britain: Guess I'll just have to rough it.
Australia: Alright. But we'll be back.
Britain: I hope so.
*Australia walks away*
Britain: Germany's been practicing... I'm so boned.

End of Part 1 (mid 1940)

*Bell rings for end of break*

*during home economics class*
Australia: Dam, your nose look's real bad. Have you seen America?
France: No man, I think he's got history for the next two lesson's and you know how much he hate's history. He'll probably be here at dinner.
*Australia smile's*
*mean while in metal work class*
Britain: I can't believe you let them do that to Poland.
Russia: I know. I how to beat an enemy. I Don't let him think I'm against him then bang. Uppercut.
*Bang..... A chunk of metal hit's the work bench where they were sitting*
Germany: Nearly
Italy: You know what I'ma gonna do, I'ma gonna buy five cookies at dinner with all these boy's dinner money, were gonna mash these boy's up like momma mashes tommato's.
*Italy smiles*
Britain: Right..... thats it, at dinner were going to do this, after the lesson you get your boy's together and I'll get the rest. I hope America come's back, were going to need all the help we can get. We'll meet behind the bike shed's, Germany always like's a fag before dinner.
*Russia smiles*

I bow down with true regrete if my post's have spoiled it. If you all think like I did, This should not be answered, then I'm sorry.

Is it me, or is this thread unfolding before our very eyes in reality? I mean, whats going on with America(Nato), Georgia and the Russians?
It's like deja vu.
I hope us brit's arn't gonna be ducking these chunks of metal again

Dude, how far behind the times are you? lol. This has already been going on for months.

Not Condalisa Rices statement. That's called goading.

Bad Secretary of State. BAD!

Rice: Well, I don’t think we need to speculate further. Russia is very clearly isolating itself. It’s becoming more and more the outlaw in this conflict. It is clearly in violation of a ceasefire agreement that it signed, signed willingly. Its forces are behaving in a wholly inappropriate fashion in a neighboring state. It’s been called to account by NATO, called to account by the European Union, and I think this is going to continue. And President Medvedev at one point, just a few weeks ago, laid out a very hopeful vision for Russia’s interaction with the rest of the world, one in which Russia would be respected and accepted for its commerce and its technology and its scientific prowess and its culture. This is, after all, a great culture and a great people. And to instead have activities that hearken back to another time, when all that the Soviet Union had was its military power, it’s really a sad state of affairs for Russia.


How horrible!

Pointing out facts and using diplomacy!

I blame Nix!

Russians have a long traditition of always looking in the wrong direction and doing exactly the most inaproprite thing at the worst time.

Good analysis, Sam. Care to take a stab at the Russian inferiority complex?

It's easy to feel inferior. Pretty much all of their major opponents have been the top-dog at one point or another. Britain, America, France, Germany... Russia, even at it's height, was only ever number 2.

lol. I said number 2!

Moreeee moooore Zeta lol

thats was jokes

So let me get this straight. The Georgian army was sent to South Osetia to show, by the use of force, the Russians who lived there that their loyalty will be with Georgia and not with Russia.
Russia steps in with force to protect it's people who live in Osetia.
The Osetians decide they don't want to go through that again, so they ask Russia to look after them. America see's this as an expansion of Russia power, so they condem the actions and fast track Georgias membership in to NATO.

I wonder what would happen if the tables were turned?
Cuba decides that it does'nt want to risk a prodominantly American area gaining independace,
so they send in the troops and start killing American's.
What would America do?

Nix is a totalitarian apologist.

Why is that a hallmark of all left wing people?

Marxism is a political/economic theory that requires totalitarianism. So any of its subsequent theories Communism, Socialism, Democratic Socialism....Are totalitarian by nature and implementation. But the Left wing dogma preaches that its only bad Marxists that we have seen so far. If we would only let them run our countries for us we could have a workers paradise. Can you imagine the horror of Nix running your country....

Georgia was guilty of being stupid. Russia was guilty of being stupid and aggressive.

This is about Poland, Ukraine, and NATO. Georgia is all but irrelevant to both sides.

Damned fool Russians are the worst strategic thinkers in the world. Always looking in the wrong direction. They SHOULD be extending the hand of friendship West and sending the guns East. Typical.

If Russia extended it's hand of friendship to the west and did'nt include America in every discussion, America would spin it around to make everyone think Russia was up to something. And if, God forbid, Russia became friends with Germany, France, UK, etc, how long do you think it would be before America would offer an ultimatum like, I don't know, say, your either with them or US?
Russia's already been bitten by the East. And unlike America, the East is only a stones throw away from Russia. I think they also realise just how endless this war with Islam is going to be. What did my prime minister keep on saying? Oh yea, it's prudent to be prudent. Bless him

That begs the question: why wouldn't Russia include America in its discussions? If it didn't, it would be irresponsible. The problem is with America and Georgia now. Solve that problem first.

Is Russia invited everytime America wants to talks to the Europeans?
If Russia wanted to talk to Germany or Spain, why should America be invited?
I dont see America trying to be Russia's friend either, if anything it seems like America is trying to be a teacher to Russia. Who would want to be a friend with someone who constantly belittles them?

That is different and you should not make such generalizations.

If they are bilateral relations, its between A and B. However, between the members of the EU, they cannot forget they are members of a Supranational Organization.

The United States of America are a observer member of many of the institutions of the European Union and the Council of Europe - Russia is a member of this institution, btw. They don't need to be invited.

This is one world with several people. Actions have consequences and they often affect everyone. Some more than others, but everyone. Thus, they are of everyone's concern, but more of some than of others.

Russia needs teachers. Loads of them. They suck at what they do. Have you ever seen an oligarchy rise so quickly and so powerfully in another country throughout history? They are also quite xenophobe and nationalists themselves. They aren't enough to make it an issue, however, nor are the americans.

Russia has a problem. In fact, several. It doesn't matter with who or of which order. She needs to solve them or she'll have difficulty in brokering new deals with the rest of the world. That's how things role.

Relations between countries are much the same between people. There's always legal mambojambo - commitment - or internal protest - family - to deal with, but they do not stop over that.

Erudite as always, Laguna.

Nix. The US is not the center of the world. Russia would be much better served by seeking closer political and economic ties to its EUROPEAN neighbors with whom it shares much more in common than its Southern and Eastern ones. The long term strategic threats to the Russian Federation are not from a militant EU, but from a resource hungry China and an unstable collection of religiously inclined states that share its border.

The US and Western Europe have been economic and strategic partners for decades. This is an association the Russian people would benefit from joining instead of bullying its former republics who have the sense to do so.

"Russia needs teachers. Loads of them. They suck at what they do. Have you ever seen an oligarchy rise so quickly and so powerfully in another country throughout history? They are also quite xenophobe and nationalists themselves. They aren't enough to make it an issue, however, nor are the americans. "

The rise of the oil-garchy in Russia was a direct result of the fall of Communism and the sub-sequent decentralization of government. Teachers aren't lacking in Russia, the education system there is much better than elsewhere. If you're referring to free-market teachers, well, I'm not sure that anyone is "on ball" with the unregulated free market; that type of institution is as bad as a regulated, closed market ;)

"The US and Western Europe have been economic and strategic partners for decades. This is an association the Russian people would benefit from joining instead of bullying its former republics who have the sense to do so. "
I don't think that's what they're doing. They saw an opportunity, and seized it. Not their fault that Georgian president thought that he could play chess with a grand master, and walk away with dignity.
Say it like it is. Georgia was made an example of. You want to do what you want? Fine, no problem. You want america to invest in your country? fine. You want to use your country to ship oil / natural gas to europe, cirumventing our monopoly? Hmmm.... well... ok, fine.
You want your country outfitted with american arms? Err.. No. No. No.
The conclusion could've been seen a mile away. Their US-made hi-tech weapons, and US-trained army couldn't pass muster with the low-tech, unlimited military supplies of Russia. They did what they've always done. When all else fails, use man power. Literally. Peter the great did it with St. Petersbourg, why not make another?

I was using teachers in a figurative sense.

Yes, I'm aware than the short and vast transition from centralized planning to a free market gave rise to the Russian oligarchy.

Some people are more "on ball" than others. Yeltsin had to pick the morons though.
Maybe, if the URSS collapsed after Deng Xiaoping came with the "One country, two systems" policy, a more reasonable approached would have been taken.

That's all in the past now... Only thing we can hope now is that people have learnt from this monumental mistake.

""One country, two systems" is an idea originally proposed by Deng Xiaoping during the early 1980s"

Oh, that early? Makes sense. The discussions to return Macau to China begun in 1974. 1999 was the year transition to China begun.

Yeah... this doesn't flatter Boris Yeltsin.

Slow and steady it goes.

John you make such wonderful points when you type with BOTH hands.

China is remarkable in its ability "so far" to embrace free markets while maintaining political control.

This Baby formula situation aside, their progress is astounding.

Andreja. I'm gaining a sense of your perspective and we're going to have a more thorough discussion of the principles of war and how they are applied by various political and economic systems, sometime. Should be interesting.

Err.... I don't know how to reply FarmerBob. I'd, of course, be more honored - but I fear it would be a little lop sided; I'd be doing the reading, mostly
My opinions, however, I have, and will bring